Thursday, September 17, 2015

Sorry, You're Not In the Club...... Members Only

I'm sorry, what club? The one where you don't shower for days, and wear stained clothes that are too big or small for you, you eat when remember to eat, you actually get excited about making a diaper run because it gets you out of the house, you fluids from multiple areas of your body and the most excitement you have is anticipating the next nap time? No thank you.
A little recent perception has shown me that not ALL life changing events put you in a different more elite club.
For example, when you graduate high school. You all graduated and you are all starting your independent life. When you get start dating, it doesn't mean you don't hang out with your single friends. When you get married, you still don't stop hanging out with your single friends and you don't stop hanging out with your friends in general. But..........................
Have a baby and suddenly you are kicked out of the previous club you didn't even realize you were in and admitted into a totally new one. The one where frumpy, bored, miserable women convince you that it's the greatest experience ever. The one where women overreact to absolutely everything in the most ridiculous situations ever. The one where any woman that hasn't had a baby isn't as much as a hard worker or as sacrificial as the woman staying home with the baby.
Well here's a newsflash. Giving birth is not new news. Having babies has been going on for YEARS. Get over yourself. If you are "frumpy" (and I don't use that word lightly, more on that later) then it is self inflicted. Most moms now use that at their new secret identity. Except it's not really all that secret.
Frumpy: Dowdy, Drab, Dull, Unfashionable. Ok so the fashionable part is irrelevant. But the dowdy, drab and dull. Really? Pair with the "Ragamuffin" and your set for endless low self esteem and dread to each waking morning.
Just because you had a baby doesn't mean you don't have to care about yourself. Perhaps if you went that extra mile for yourself you wouldn't feel or act the way you do? I am not asking you. I am asking you to ask yourself.
I watch woman go through this transformation almost every time and every time I question whether I will do this or not. The answer is..........
NO! Absolutely not. I maintain that if you feel good in your body and feel good about yourself then you will feel good about being a mother and won't feel the need to guilt other unexpecting woman to be well......expecting.
I hate the prying questions at the get togethers,

Person 1: "So how many kids do you have" (overly sweet and syrupy voice)
Me: None (casual)
Person 1: "Oh, well when will yall be starting a family?" (still sweet, but traces of overbearing curiosity and interest)
Me: Oh, whenever we take an interest in it. (still casual)
Person 1: "Oh, well how old are you?" (eyes have started to squint and blatant interrogation style questioning has begun)
Me: 27 (casual and unphased.....oh wait not unphased a slight bit of pride has creeped into my voice, because yes, I have managed to be married for 4 years and not had kids yet)
Person 1: "Wow, well you better get started soon." (Mixed tones of jealousy, anger, astonishment, and overall shock leading to "I must say something bitterly encouraging")
Me: Nah, I'm not worried about it. *and I walk away*

This is a typical example of what people in the club say to people not in the club.
Why? Why is this necessary? Why do you have to judge others, why do you have to criticize others for choosing differently and for following a different path?

I am not the woman that is going to be annoyed that your brought a baby to Twin Peaks with you. But I am going to be the woman that is annoyed that you are criticizing the modesty of the waitresses while you are breast feeding a baby at the table.
Just because you had a baby and you are performing the miracle of feeding doesn't make it any more or less modest thanthe woman wearing the "skanky waitress outfit".  Having a baby doesn't make you special and it doesn't make you part of an elite club.
I am the woman that gets annoyed when a couple brings an infant to a movie theater. In fact I think it shouldn't be allowed. You wanted to have a baby. Well groovy. Good for you. But, I didn't ask or pay to be in club. I paid to see a movie and would prefer to hear it as well.  Pay someone to babysit your child so that you can enjoy a movie with your husband. It's as if couples do this on purpose, it is there way of saying "welcome to our world". Well, I prefer to have to pay my dues until I owe my dues.
Happy almost Friday!

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