Saturday, November 7, 2015

Baby Fever? Sorry Haven't Caught That Yet

Hey I don't have anything against kids. They are cute, they can be fun (when they actually properly raised) and I certainly appreciate that I was once a kid. However, never confuse the facts. You chose to have kids now, I did not.
I know what your thinking, "Oh boy, here comes another rant". But seriously. I have never been able to understand these women that choose to have kids so early, or choose to have a billion of them (ok not really but 4, 5, 6, and even those that choose to have a dozen) and then they complain about it and then..........wait for it..........they try to tell you how wonderful it is.......and then.......wait for it..........they try to guilt you for not having kids. I HATE that. Not because it gets to me a way that makes me feel guilty for not having kids. More like in a way that makes me pity them. Because they aren't happy with their choices.
I believe you shouldn't have kids till you are married (besides the fact that I believe this as a Christian, I also believe it is wrong to bring a child into a broken family intentionally). I also believe that if you know your limitations there is nothing wrong with acting on them. Like, "I want to wait, because I want to enjoy the first years of marriage" or "I really think I just want one or two, I know that's about all I can handle" or "I thought I wanted more, but after the first one I decided having more just wasn't for me". THANK YOU! You were honest, you were upfront, you didn't lie to trap other unsuspecting women.
I have so many girls that I grew up with, went to church with, etc. that mostly got married before me and I remember thinking how strange when within a few weeks of the honeymoon they would announce their first pregnancy or the fact that they would have their first baby before their first wedding anniversary. What happened to enjoying being married. Having adventures with your husband. Being spontaneous with your life before settling down.
I don't confuse marriage with settling down. I married my husband within 6 months of knowing him, because I knew he was the one and there was no sense in waiting any longer. But we both knew we didn't want kids immediately. In fact our 2 year plan has become a five year plan and I am sure will possibly extend past that. I am not afraid of having kids. I am not afraid of the changes it will bring to my life and my husbands. I am aware of what we want out of life and our marriage. I don't believe we are selfish for pursuing our goals or adventures before we start having kids, please note that I don't say "start a family". When we took our vows we started our family. Done.
I see girls that are straight our of high school, living with a deadbeat boyfriend and neither have much of a job to speak of and lo and behold suddenly they are announcing that they are expecting! What? Why? Why? Why would you do this? Have you no shame? Bringing a child into a world like that and people actually show joy and excitement for this! What about all of the hardships that child will know because of what they will be subjected to? Did you think about that when you were thinking about cute and cuddly the baby was gonna be? Good grief!
Ok, I realize I chased some bunnies there for a while. Back to the main topic.
If YOU choose to have babies. If YOU choose to start having kids

What Came First? Marriage or Kids?

Yes that is what I asked. Same concept as "the chicken or the egg". Traditionally yes, the marriage comes before the kids. So let's use that scenario, shall we?
When you stand up there in front of witnesses and take the vows of commitment to the person standing across from you there were no kids in the picture. You didn't say "to you and to the children we will someday have".
Let's also say for sake of argument that you don't even know if you can have kids, I am going to assume however that you are both in agreement on whether you want kids or not.
Now, why is it that once the kids come they are constantly being put first? Not in a "basic nurturing" way but in such a way that keeps you completely busy and stressed to the point that you don't have time for your spouse? BTW this includes people that have to have a schedule "date night".  If you have to reserve "Wednesday Night" for your spouse than you aren't giving him/her enough of your attention.
If you don't maintain that original commitment than how is this affecting your kids? They can't survive without a stable marriage as the source of stability in their lives. So by puttig your spouse first you are actually ultimately thinking of the kids' well being. Interesting.
Here is a good article with some good perspective on the topic:
Keep this in mind, the kids don't miss what they don't know. If you choose to attend "mommy groups", "soccer practice", "dance practice", "play dates", "shopping trips", vacations for the whole family", "weekend trips to the zoo", "weekend trips to theme parks", then it's your choice. Not the child's. Sure they will get upset if you suddenly stop doing it but if they never become used to it, then it's not an issues.
I remember getting to go to "Astro World" in Houston as a kid several times. I also remember an occasional trip to the zoo. But it wasn't habit and we never felt deprived if we didn't go. So many kids today are senselessly spoiled with the idea that they "need this". Says who? Who says they need all of that?
So before you tie yourself up with these unnecessary things, think about what else you should be doing. Planning a long three day weekend for you and your spouse? Special dinner somewhere new on a Friday night? Don't be afraid to ask the grandparents or aunts and uncles to babysit. Guess what? You and your spouse will be happier for it and in the end so will the kids.