Thursday, August 6, 2015

Parenting 101 from a Single Married Person

I know this is going to sound like mute point to some and to others it will be a sign of comfort that someone else has noticed but WHAT THE CRAP IS IT WITH MODERN PARENTING and THEIR BRATS?
Every time I go to the store I see some mom struggling with kids. Now, I am not being a cynic and saying in general "struggling with kids" I mean literally struggling. She is trying to push a cart and grab groceries, meanwhile her wild mean sweet innocent children are wreaking havoc on the store and it's other shoppers. It doesn't matter what she says they just continue on. Everything from bumping into other shoppers, not moving out of the way, knocking stuff off the shelves, etc. you name it they're doing it. Yet, the mom has either no assertiveness in her voice when she (more often IF) she corrects and then other times it's over assertiveness making her sound weak and frustrating, leaving the kids with the notion that it is time to "go in for the kill", "finish her off", "Take out the weak one of the pack", you get where I am going with this. No RESPECT. No ACKNOWLEDGEMENT of her authority.  So, where does it come from? No child is born this way. Therefore, the fault is with the parent.
First of all teaching your kids manners is more than just "Yes ma'am, No ma'am" and "Yes sir, No sir". They can just as easily be respectfully disrespectful.
Example: If you have told your child to do something and they look at you and say "no", don't correct them and say "You do not say no, you say no ma'am". I'm sorry, but really? You're just asking for it, in fact I will go a step further you deserve it! Don't give them permission to disrespect you. It should be "Do NOT tell me no, you say yes ma'am". Saying it that way doesn't leave them with thoughts of an ultimatum. BTW, I know you probably think that the words I am using don't come into a child's head and your right not these specific words. But, yes they are thinking of these methods and processes, which leads me to secondly.
Secondly, DON'T underestimate your child. They are not stupid, they're just disrespectful hooligans that have somehow begun to rule your life. Just relate it to Planet of the Apes. They watch and learn and mostly importantly remember.
Next up "child proofing your home" note I didn't say "baby proof" I said "child proof". REALLY? On what sick planet did you grow up? My parents didn't baby proof anything, let alone child proof. I cannot begin to tell you how many facebook posts I saw last year of Christmas literally falling over (due to meddling) and women who have come up with the idea to decorate their tree in all plastic ornaments until the kids are old enough to not break the nice pretty delicate glass ones. Of course if you comment on any these you leave yourself wide open for the classic line "you'll understand when you have kids". Yes, I will understand. I will understand that while you are putting a plastic tree to avoid disaster that I will be still be enjoying my vintage glass ball and hallmark ornament tree. Why take the risk? Because, as soon as you hide the delicate items in your house and stop putting out your pretty things because you don't want them broken, you open a door to a whole new problem. You have just enabled your child. You have given them the realization that they can do whatever they want. When you child proof your home and then take your kids to someone else's home and something gets broken BECAUSE of your child's BAD MANNERS this is not the fault of the people who don't have a child proof home.
My mother had five children. She didn't have kids for the first 2 years of marriage. Once she did, she never stopped putting out her 5 glass nativities at Christmas or decorating her Christmas tree with hundreds of glass balls, or setting out her delicate German made nutcrackers, or placing her hand painted ceramic Santa on the floor by the fireplace......GASP on the floor! Oh my, you live dangerously. No, not really. She just lived in reality. The reality that she is boss and we lived with the understanding that if we broke something that weren't supposed to be touching to begin with, our lives were in her hands.
Yet, friends would come over and their child would break something of my mom's (which did happen at least once) and the response from the parent is that "you shouldn't keep breakable things out and in child's reach". WRONG! Not only would I expect a greater response from the parent of the unruly child, I expect compensation and I sure as heck don't want to be corrected in my own home where my own kids have never broken any of my precious items.

So fourthly, "Is My Child a Brat?". Well first of all babies learn fast. They know what they can get away with and when they can get away with it. Like crying, if you pay attention very shortly into the early mother stages you will notice that baby cries because it needs something and then not much later in the mothering stage, you will noticed that they cry also be cause they WANT something. WANT and NEED are not the same at all. As soon as that child is not crying because they have a dirty diaper, or because they are hungry, or because they are sleepy it is time to take action. By this I mean, let them cry it out. Don't pick them up and soothe them just for the sake of soothing them. You are beginning to enable them as soon as you start this bad habit.
If you let your child poor milk on the floor at home and stomp through it and make a mess then they are no doubt going to do this at someone else's home. If you let them pick up things that aren't theirs and hit and smash it against other stuff, then they will do that at other people's home. If you take away all things that you don't want damaged, then will go ape crazy at someone else's home. Don't make your children unbearable for other people to be around. Sure, some of your stuff will probably get broken in the learning process. However, very shortly you will notice that you are able to have a pretty centerpiece in the middle of the coffee table instead of sticky handprints, legos and empty sippy cups. There is a perfectly good floor surrounding the tiny island of "COFFEE TABLE". The floor is the ocean where you can take your speed boats and jet skis and be obnoxious, the coffee table is the all inclusive resort where the adults go, NO CHILDREN ALLOWED. Know the boundaries, teach the boundaries and enforce the boundaries.
Complain about the entire house being covered with toys and all things child related? STOP. They don't have their own freaking bedroom just to have a place to sleep. This is their domain. Toys, books, clothes, all forms of messiness stays in that room. The house doesn't belong to them, they don't pay the bills. Make them respect it and in return your children will be friggin joy for other people to be around not just you. What a blessing that would be.
Lastly technology. Really people? Go outside and play waterguns, cowboys and Indians, turn that troll house into a GI Joe fort, have a Barbie fashion show. No child needs a kindle, ipad, ipadmini, airpad, nookie, littlenookie, and whatever else it is that they have out for kids now. The bottom line is you are going to tell yourself that you are buying this for your child because it is "educational" or "they only get to use it for educational games" or the excuse of "it's no different than watching tv" and the list goes on. The bottom line is you are getting this for your child so they will have something to keep them "out of your hair for a while" something to plug them into while at a guest's house or at social events, something to occupy them while in the car. WRONG. These are the best times and the best ways to start that early education. If they start out with these pieces of technology it WILL impair their ability to communicate and to have a mature conversation. It WILL make them unsocial (you think homeschooling makes people unsocial, try giving a 3 year old an ipad). I was shy as child and didn't talk to my peers much. But, when I was 13 I could have full on conversations with an 80 year old at a nursing home. I knew how to talk and how to carry on a mature conversation.
So you want your child to learn to read quickly? Give them a book? NO not a KINDLE, a book? Ever heard of it? Oh, I'm sorry you probably couldn't hear me, you gave all your attention to page 100 of Fifty Shades of Grey ON YOUR KINDLE! Get off the kindle! and on that note get a life, read a real book. Ok sorry getting off track sometimes I forget that the modern adults are as bad as the little children.
No, your child doesn't need a phone at the age of 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, even 10. Phones come into necessity at age 16 when they are having to get jobs and start driving. I personally don't want my child's first photo be a "selfie".
Ok, rant over!

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